Say a Prayer for the Pretender

"Out into the cool of the evening
Strolls the pretender
He knows that all his hopes and dreams
Begin and end there"

The Pretender by Jackson Browne

Shortly after Karl Rove announced his resignation, we wrote a post called Is Karl on the Down-Low?, where we reported on an article we read about the guy who supposedly wrote a tell-all book about his dalliances with Rove.

Because it pains us to give this fake news reporter any more free publicity by continuing to use his name (if we do it will be picked up by search engines who will add it to the reams of already published articles about him) we have decided to anoint him with the moniker “Sham Man” since it is more descriptive of who and what he really is.

In an update on that earlier post, a few days ago we received an angry email from Sham Man lambasting us for “rumormongering” and getting the “facts” about his upcoming book wrong:

“First of all, I never spent a night at the White House, mysteriously or otherwise. The only exception was election night 2004… Further, I don't know anything about Karl Rove's personal life or anyone else at the White House for that matter…By the way, the phony ‘news story’ about my book got the title wrong…”

Even though we reported that the Rove expose was only wishful rumoring from another blog, and that our own report was laced with sarcasm, the story was actually confirmed (and later kinda-sorta rescinded) by Talon News, Sham Man’s previous employer.

We know that Sham Man wants us to blog about getting his letter. Ever since the rumors of his tell-all book surfaced, Sham Man has been busy writing to all those who sullied his reputation by daring to repeat the luscious little tid-bit.

To paraphrase (rather badly) Shakespeare, methinks Sham Man doth protest too much.

If we had the time or the inclination to follow the trail of bread crumbs leading back to originator of this little dicey piece of gossip (that the book will reveal a tryst between Rove and the faux journalist), we think we might find that it originated with Sham Man himself.

And why not? His “career” in infamy began when he used his White House press pass to call attention to himself by asking questions that were not designed to elicit responses but rather to kiss the ass of Bush and his administration. Either he was stupid or he knew his questions would get him the attention he clearly craves.

A recent article reports on Sham Man’s efforts to de-bunk the rumor and “set the record straight.” The article quotes Sham Man as claiming that the media “created me and now they have to deal with me.”

In truth, Sham Man wanted to be noticed. He created the buzz by doing everything short of swinging from a chandelier.

And now, afraid that he might drift back into the closet of obscurity, Sham Man has adopted the Ann Coulter style of book promotion: say something provocative and then -- after it produces the uproar you hoped it would -- claim that a cabal of liberal co-conspirators is out to get you.

Thus Sham Man -- the ersatz reporter -- hopes that what sells books for Coulter will also work for him.

All this attention seeking is a sad act of desperation from a man who wrote a book so full of nothingness that he was reduced to self-publish and promote it.

In the end, it is our fervent wish that Sham Man will finally get the psychological help he desperately needs. Furthermore, we vow to do what we can to help him by refusing to aid and abet his addiction to self-promotion.

From now on, you will not read or see his name on this blog and we look forward to the day where the only place you will see his name in print will be as a footnote on a Trivial Pursuit card.