Have you ever seen the HBO movie If These Walls Could Talk, 2? Even though it was filmed in 2000, it is as timely as ever.
The film follows three lesbian stories in three different time periods and is set in the same house.
In the first story, the home is occupied by an elderly couple played by Vanessa Redgrave (Edith), and Marian Seldes as her life-partner (Abby). The film makes it obvious that these two have lived together in the house for most of their adult lives. Yet, when Abby becomes ill, Edith is denied the right to visit her in the hospital. And worse, after Abby dies, Edith loses her home and everything in it to a distant relative who inherits the house and contents -- by law.
Although the segment was set in 1961 - except for rare exceptions like
Do you and/or your partner own your own home? Are both of your names on the deed? Do you have “rights of survivorship” so that when one of you dies the other will still own the house?
Do you have a Living Revocable Trust or Last Will and Testament that names your partner to inherit your property when you die?
Have you signed a Living Will and Medical Power of Attorney that gives your partner the right to make medical decisions for you and visit you in the hospital?
Just like the movie, for most of us, when our partner dies without a Will or Trust, our property will pass – by law -- to our nearest living relatives and not to our partner who is considered – by law – as a stranger!That means, no matter how long we’ve been together – no matter how many ups and downs we’ve shared – our partner will have NO right to inherit anything we own.
In order to protect our partner, we need to put our wishes in writing. It’s easier and far less expensive than you might imagine:
Rainbow Law creates free and affordable legal document packages for single people and partners, with or without children. In addition, there are do-it-yourself software programs and other (non-gay) legal document preparation websites. And, some attorneys will work on a sliding scale.
Because we are denied equal marriage rights, as we grow older – and trust me, unless you die young, you are going to get old -- LGBTQ couples face a much greater risk of spending the end of our lives in poverty:
“Gay, lesbian and bisexual seniors also are at significant risk of losing their home when an elderly partner enters a nursing home. This is because federal Medicaid law permits a married spouse to remain in the couple's home when a husband or wife enters a nursing home — but it does not grant unmarried couples the same right.“
If a gay or lesbian partner is forced to use Medicaid – the state often places a lien on the home in order to recoup their losses. In fact, the Federal government encourages such liens – at the same time that they deny us the protections of legal marriage.
Even when we own our home jointly with rights of survivorship, a state has the right to place a lien on the one-half interest belonging to the partner who required nursing home assistance in the first place.
You can do more to protect your home from a Medicaid lien by sheltering it in an Irrevocable Trust. This may seem a bit complicated but it definitely beats homelessness!
When you put your home into an Irrevocable Trust, you are still able to live in it and benefit from it just as you do now. And time is “of the essence” if you want to use this method of home protection.
Medicaid has a “look back” period of 5 years. This means you must place your home into the Trust 5 years before applying for Medicaid or entering a nursing home!
Sadly, even when we obtain all of the legal documents necessary to protect our partner’s rights, other obstacles continue to adversely impact our lives:
- Laws such as the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and Amendments to State Constitutions ban equal access to federal and state marriage rights and protections;
- And we remain ineligible for a host of state and federal protections like Social Security survivor benefits and estate tax exemptions.
- Even couples who have lived together for decades are often barred from sharing a room in a nursing home or an assisted living facility because there are no protections form discrimination based on sexual orientation.
We have seen breathtaking changes in our lifetime but clearly, it is not enough. It is one thing to kvetch about marriage equality. It is quite another to take the steps necessary to protect one another while we wait for lawmakers to stop catering to the wing-nuts.
Since protecting your partner is your greatest responsibility, will you take a few minutes to do it today?
