LGBTQ Families: On the Outside Looking In

A few days ago we asked which candidate for president is most likely to support you and your family? We've been thinking alot about this question over the last year or so and perhaps you have too.

As we weigh the various positions of each Presidential Candidate, we always try to determine which of them is more likely to govern in a way that best reflects our philosophy about the world -- about what is right and what is true.

Prognosticators have already weighed in on how the candidates might deal with issues like the war, the economy, health care, the environment and other pressing matters of the day. You can compare the candidates here and here.

Regarding LGBTQ rights, we can pretty much rule out all of the Repugnicans -- most of whom are still catering to the wing-nut fundies.

Unfortunately, other than making vague statements about being generally supportive of LGBTQ rights, none of the Democratic Candidates provide detailed descriptions about how that will work to make like better for our families. And none of the three "front runners" seem to support the one issue that matters most to our family – marriage equality.

It isn’t that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are not important to us. They are. Yet regardless of which candidate gets elected, we are concerned that the multi-national military industrial complex (which permeates our government) will not give up an inch of their war-mongering without making a huge stinky smoke screen of a propaganda fiasco that will leave us all scratching our heads in wonder and hiding under our beds in fear.

We can only hope that whoever takes over the controls in January 2009 is realistic (or idealistic) enough to recognize the game and try to dismantle it without getting themselves assassinated in the process.

As for health care -- since we have no health care coverage for ourselves, we are deeply concerned about it. We hope a Democratic President will start to clear the way for universal health care – but we also know that goal requires a steep climb against the odds as the champion of that cause will be inundated with Swift-Boat-like lies and accusations of bringing the dreaded ‘socialism’ to America.

Environmental issues, climate change, a crashing economy and renewable energy matter so much to us that 3 years ago we moved to rural West Virginia where we have been building a house (on 6 acres) with our own hands using recycled materials. The house has 1 foot thick walls and an indoor greenhouse. We will also have an outdoor greenhouse, a huge organic garden as well as chickens (for eggs) and goats (for milk, cheese and as a free lawn mower!).

With little grandchildren constantly exposed to lead-laden toys and about ready to begin public school we care deeply about imports, consumer safety and about education.

But, despite our concern for these and other pressing issues, we still feel that marriage equality is right up there with all of them.

Why?

Because without the respect and dignity that eventually follows governmental sanction of our relationships -- no matter what the next president is able to accomplish in many of the areas we listed above LGBTQ families will still be outside looking in. We will continue to live in a country that thinks we are not deserving of full equality. No matter how much better the economy, the environment, education and health care, our partners and our children will not be able to fully participate. We will still have the choice of seconds or nothing.

And at a time in history that is espousing change as its central theme – we think that it is fair to demand the brass ring for LGBTQ people.

If our next president is able to pull off something as wonderful as universal health care and yet is willing to accept that some of its citizens remain less equal than others, the dream of a changed and more progressive America will remain just that – a dream.

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving began as a celebration of a bountiful harvest and has evolved to become a holiday where we spend time with our family, friends and loved ones to reflect upon the many blessings bestowed upon us over the year.

As lesbian civil rights activists, we are thankful:

• First and foremost, that we share our lives together, for our love and strong commitment to one another, to our family and to our community;
• For our children: two daughters, Kylie (and her husband Darren), Katie (and her partner Meghan), son, Colin, parents, Hedy and Dick, and beautiful grandchildren, Jareth and Eowyn;
• For good friends;
• For our good health;
• That we have enough food, warm clothing and a self-made roof over our heads;
• Finally, that we are blessed with an ability to give back to our community via our activism and writing.

We are also grateful for the progress made since last November in the advancement of LGB rights:

• The House of Representatives approved the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) which offers protection from workplace discrimination against gays, lesbians and bisexual employees based on sexual orientation;
• An amendment to the Massachusetts constitution banning equal marriage rights was defeated in June, keeping marriage safe in that one and only state where it is available to gays and lesbians – at least until 2012;
• A similar amendment banning marriage equality was also defeated this year in Arizona;
• And lastly, it seems (with the exception of marriage equality), the National Democratic Party has finally embraced the issue of civil rights and legal protections for the LGBTQ community.

And while we appreciate these gains, we must remember that the battle for equality rages on.

The best way to counter the wing-nut's lies and cruel gutter-style tactics is to continue to live out and proud.

The truth about our ordinary and everyday lives is the only antidote for the negative stereotypes used to incite fear and hatred against our families.

Have a great holiday! See you next week!

Peddling Hate: From Sea to Shining Sea

On the West Coast, in Everett Washington, the anti-gay group known as the "Watchmen on the Walls" is convening for the weekend to brainstorm with other homophobes, hoping to come up with new and more effective measures to bribe lawmakers into enacting legislation that denies legal rights and protections to the LGBTQ Community.

If these folks were just some wing-nut fringe group that the mainstream media and politicians ignored, a gathering such as this may not be worth reporting.

Unfortunately, the "Watchmen" are just one of many other organizations with a similar purpose who largely control the Republican party and hold sway over many Democrats as well.

On the East Coast, (Ft. Lauderdale, Florida) the Values Voter Summit (also known as the Religious Right's Super Bowl weekend) is expected to help the wing-nuts hone in on which candidate best represents their convoluted and hypocritical pro-war, anti-stem-cell research, anti-contraceptive, anti-choice, anti gay adoption, anti-Marriage Equality, pro-gun, pro-death penalty, anti-children's health care, anti-welfare, anti-science, stance.

No wonder these people are having a hard time finding a candidate that is able to twist himself into such strange positions that he will be un-electable in the general election.

In order to woo these crazies, Republicans have to lie about supporting issues that will turn off all of the rest of us.

Take Romney, for example, who made the following statement when he was running for the Senate in Massachusetts against Ted Kennedy:

"I had a dear, close family relative who was very close to me [who died from an illegal abortion] and I promise I will not force my beliefs on others on that matter. And you will not see me wavering on that.”

Oh, really?

How interesting... since Romney recently proclaimed:

“I am pro-family on every level, from personal to political... as President, I will oppose abortion in military clinics, oppose funding abortion in international aid programs and I will work to ban embryonic cloning.”

He's not only a liar, he's a flip-flopping liar.

Even though Romney and the other candidates are willing to lie through their teeth to win the Republican nomination, the wing-nuts are still not satisfied with the field of candidates.

Of the Democrats, only Kucinich and Gravel are in support of full legal equality.

Hillary, Obama and Edwards all say they oppose our right to be treated as full citizens.

What a sorry state we are in today!

As 50+ year old women, we are disgusted that we are treated like children -- forced to beg abusive adults for rights and privileges that should be ours simply by virtue of our citizenship!

It is humiliating and degrading to be put in this juxtaposition against a gang of thugs who claim the Earth is 6,000 years old, that God created the Earth in 6 days, that dinosaurs lived on the Earth with humans, and that Global War and Global Warming are all necessary precursors to the second coming of Christ at which time the believers will be raptured up and the rest of us will be "left behind."

We say, good riddance. Why wait for the rapture?

If these crazies really hate social and legal progress, they should flock together like the sheeple they are and found another country where they can create their Earthly utopia.

If that ever happens, we give them 2 years before they start to create cliques which eventually turn on others....

Sheesh.

Conservative Contortions

We find it infuriating to read headlines like this:

After Vetoing Gay Marriage Bill, Schwarzenegger Signs 4 Other LGBT Laws

It is frustrating to see elected officials trying to have it both ways; not wanting to "seem" overly supportive in order to be unoffensive to the wing-nut bigots while at the same time, throwing out scraps to "the gays" so the official we will be more acceptable to their saner constituents.

Especially when you consider that a law granting us the right to marry would end the need to create a complicated tapestry of benefits and protections that only highlight our difference and create a legal purgatory.

If you want to send Schwarzenegger and your own state's elected officials a message that you can see through their little facade, please sign the marriage equality petition and we will pass it on!

When Bad Things Happen to Gay People

Have you ever seen the HBO movie If These Walls Could Talk, 2? Even though it was filmed in 2000, it is as timely as ever.

The film follows three lesbian stories in three different time periods and is set in the same house.

In the first story, the home is occupied by an elderly couple played by Vanessa Redgrave (Edith), and Marian Seldes as her life-partner (Abby). The film makes it obvious that these two have lived together in the house for most of their adult lives. Yet, when Abby becomes ill, Edith is denied the right to visit her in the hospital. And worse, after Abby dies, Edith loses her home and everything in it to a distant relative who inherits the house and contents -- by law.

Although the segment was set in 1961 - except for rare exceptions like California, Massachusetts and Vermont – state and federal laws have NOT changed. Gay and lesbian partners are STILL at risk of losing our property today.

Do you and/or your partner own your own home? Are both of your names on the deed? Do you have “rights of survivorship” so that when one of you dies the other will still own the house?

Do you have a Living Revocable Trust or Last Will and Testament that names your partner to inherit your property when you die?

Have you signed a Living Will and Medical Power of Attorney that gives your partner the right to make medical decisions for you and visit you in the hospital?

Just like the movie, for most of us, when our partner dies without a Will or Trust, our property will pass – by law -- to our nearest living relatives and not to our partner who is considered – by law – as a stranger!

That means, no matter how long we’ve been together – no matter how many ups and downs we’ve shared – our partner will have NO right to inherit anything we own.

In order to protect our partner, we need to put our wishes in writing. It’s easier and far less expensive than you might imagine:

Rainbow Law creates free and affordable legal document packages for single people and partners, with or without children. In addition, there are do-it-yourself software programs and other (non-gay) legal document preparation websites. And, some attorneys will work on a sliding scale.

Because we are denied equal marriage rights, as we grow older – and trust me, unless you die young, you are going to get old -- LGBTQ couples face a much greater risk of spending the end of our lives in poverty:

“Gay, lesbian and bisexual seniors also are at significant risk of losing their home when an elderly partner enters a nursing home. This is because federal Medicaid law permits a married spouse to remain in the couple's home when a husband or wife enters a nursing home — but it does not grant unmarried couples the same right.“

If a gay or lesbian partner is forced to use Medicaid – the state often places a lien on the home in order to recoup their losses. In fact, the Federal government encourages such liens – at the same time that they deny us the protections of legal marriage.

Even when we own our home jointly with rights of survivorship, a state has the right to place a lien on the one-half interest belonging to the partner who required nursing home assistance in the first place.

You can do more to protect your home from a Medicaid lien by sheltering it in an Irrevocable Trust. This may seem a bit complicated but it definitely beats homelessness!

When you put your home into an Irrevocable Trust, you are still able to live in it and benefit from it just as you do now. And time is “of the essence” if you want to use this method of home protection.

Medicaid has a “look back” period of 5 years. This means you must place your home into the Trust 5 years before applying for Medicaid or entering a nursing home!

Sadly, even when we obtain all of the legal documents necessary to protect our partner’s rights, other obstacles continue to adversely impact our lives:

• Laws such as the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and Amendments to State Constitutions ban equal access to federal and state marriage rights and protections;

• And we remain ineligible for a host of state and federal protections like Social Security survivor benefits and estate tax exemptions.
  

• Even couples who have lived together for decades are often barred from sharing a room in a nursing home or an assisted living facility because there are no protections form discrimination based on sexual orientation.
  

We have seen breathtaking changes in our lifetime but clearly, it is not enough. It is one thing to kvetch about marriage equality. It is quite another to take the steps necessary to protect one another while we wait for lawmakers to stop catering to the wing-nuts.

Since protecting your partner is your greatest responsibility, will you take a few minutes to do it today?

The Great Political Wedgie

Presidential candidates and political pundits get their panties all tied up in a knot any time the marriage equality issue is highlighted – especially during a campaign season.

Although polls indicate the Americans people are becoming more progressive and more accepting of equal rights for gay men and lesbians, our government – with the help of both political parties -- continues to wage war against our families.

Even in a “liberal” state like California, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is expected to veto (for the second time) a bill that would give same-sex partners the right to marry.

And although equal marriage rights are currently available in Massachusetts, as recently as June 2007 anti-equality advocates were fighting tooth and nail to pass a constitutional amendment that would redefine legal marriage in Massachusetts as a union between one man and one woman. The amendment was defeated but the right-wing nuts are determined to continue fighting for their right to discriminate and impose their beliefs on us.

All of the Presidential front-runners have flatly stated they do NOT support equal marriage rights.

Who knows if they are really expressing their true sentiments or if they are buying into the conventional wisdom that says this is the one wedge issue that will so rile up the Republican base that it is certain to spell defeat for any Presidential bid?

After a recent Iowa court ruling held that a ban on same-sex marriage violates the equal protections guaranteed to all Iowans regardless of their sexual orientation, the Associated Press described the candidate’s reactions as follows:

Mitt Romney called the ruling "another example of an activist court and unelected judges trying to redefine marriage and disregard the will of the people." John McCain said it was "a loss for the traditional family."

Hillary Clinton said she supports gay unions but said individual states should have last word on gay marriage. Barack Obama likewise punted, saying through a spokesman that "these matters should be left to the states."

A spokesman for Rudy Giuliani says the mayor "believes marriage is between a man and a woman."

The lesson to be learned from this struggle is that no matter if you live in Massachusetts, California or some place in between, you need to make sure your family is protected with Wills and Trusts to ensure your partner will have the right to inherit your property.

If you want your partner to make medical and financial decisions for you when you are ill or injured – and to have the right to visit you in the hospital – you need to create Advance Directives. If you have or want to have children together, you must nominate your partner as guardian of your child and enter into a parenting agreement to protect one another’s rights to parent the children, have visitation and collect child support.

None of these legal documents will give you the full range of rights and protections that are granted only by legal marriage – but it beats doing nothing at all.

Help! Pat Buchanan is Imposing His Marriage on Us!

When we watch the news and hear outlandish and false statements about LGBTQ people and our "agenda" go unchallenged, we worry that the misinformation will eventually be seen as "the truth."

Unfortunately, as occasional victims of these lies, we are left to scream helplessly at the television, demanding for a correction or an apology -- which never comes.

Today we want to address a particularly annoying lie that keeps recycling throughout debates over the Larry Craig debacle -- that gay and lesbian partners demands for equal marriage rights are unjustified and illegitimate.

As you are no doubt aware, Senator Larry Craig’s tearoom tap dance is all-the-buzz lately on every TV news/talk show.

Pundits and talking heads – most of them straight (at least publicly) males – are pontificating on the inescapable reality that the GOP is riddled with gay bashing hypocrites.

Last week, on one particular segment of MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews, he and Republican strategist, Pat Buchanan spent about 15 minutes agonizing over the potential negative impact Craig’s sordid tale would have on the Republican’s chances of winning the 2008 Presidential election.

During their exchange, Matthews stated (and has since repeated) that it irks him to see self-hating gay bigots like Craig pushing for laws like Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT), the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and the Constitutional Amendment to ban equal marriage rights.

Matthews is especially fired up over DADT, which he believes is a “legitimate” concern for “patriotic” LGBTQ Americans who want to serve their country (and implicit in his insistence that arguments against DADT are legitimate, is Matthews’ opinion that demands for marriage equality rights are not valid).

A few nights ago, Matthews went head-to-head with Pat Buchanan over the Larry Craig fiasco and the two pundits their views on the validity of DADT and the issue of marriage equality.

Matthews reiterated his views on DADT and Buchanan countered that the policy is a logical solution because it protects unsuspecting and vulnerable straight soldiers from being molested by gays as they sleep in their barracks. (What a bunch of hooey!)

When the dueling conservatives got around to discussing marriage, blow-hard Buchanan bellowed that advocates for equal marriage rights are trying to force him to accept our marriages as legitimate – and that would be unfair to him:

“You‘re—but see, the two homosexuals would be asking their—they‘re imposing something on me. They‘re saying, you must recognize my—our relationship as marriage. And I say, look, my values say no. I mean, if you‘re living in Dupont Circle, that‘s your business.”

As usual and until now, Buchanan’s absurd statement went unchallenged.

We will now offer the response we can only dream of hearing on the air some day:

• First, that kind of insulting and conceited statement just infuriates us!
  

• Second, just how would our marriage be in any way an imposition on Pat Buchanan -- or anyone else besides us for that matter?
  

• Third, assuming that Pat Buchanan is a married man, we are not in the slightest bit burdened by his marriage. Despite knowing that somewhere lurks the specter of Buchanan’s marriage, we go on about our daily lives as if it does not exist at all.
  

The only problem we have with Buchanan’s marriage is that although we are American citizens and we pay taxes that support programs that are available to Buchanan and his wife, we are not able to enjoy the same rights and privileges granted by those programs.

Want to know what is really unfair? That WE are the ones forced to accept Buchanan’s marriage while being denied the right to our own!

If you want to add your voice to the growing chorus of American’s who are sick and tired of anti-marriage legislation, please sign our petition and we will pass it on to the President and your representatives in Congress.

Here you will find many more examples of Republican ‘moral values’ hypocrisy.

One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, Four

How many Republican men are closeted homosexuals?

Why is this party so appealing to these self-loathing men?

Could it be that political parties reward deviant behavior by promoting the most vulnerable men to higher positions so they can blackmail them with threats of exposure in order to control their votes?

This latter suggestion really makes sense when you think about it. It explains the inexplicable as we sit around scratching our heads, wondering WTF is going on in Washington...

In Idaho, they grow potatoes and their hypocritical Senator is caught with his pants down.

In Iowa, they grow corn and their State's Supreme Court held that the ban on equal marriage rights violates Iowa's Constitution.

I don't know about you, but we’re having corn for dinner tonight!

Is Karl on the Down Low?

To paraphrase the famous orator, George W. Bush, there's rumors on the ‘Internets’ that Karl Rove is gay.

Apparently, Jeff Gannon, aka James Guckert (he’s the hot gay military stud/male escort turned White House correspondent who mysteriously spent several nights in the White House), is writing a tell-all book about his relationship with turd-blossom (Bush’s pet name for Rove).

That could explain Rove's sudden need to step down and spend more time with his family.

Guess he's got some 'splain'n to do!

So, you ask, what’s the problem with Karl Rove having a gay affair?

Ah, where to begin…

As the chief policy wonk in the Bush administration, Rove encouraged, aided and abetted Bush to use the equal marriage issue – in part - to divide the country into red and blue states.

His ultimate goal was to create “a long-lasting GOP majority” and he would do whatever it takes/took to accomplish it. In short, Rove is the guy who wakes up every day devising ways to make life harder for us as if we were pawns in his cruel little game.

If the rumors are true and Karl is on the down-low, his hypocrisy – his nerve -- is just breathtaking!

Not only does he hurt us explicitly by pushing for homophobic policies, his closeted dalliances are an implicit admission that he believes there is something wrong with being gay in the first place. The message that is broadcast to everyone -- gay or straight – is that we should be ashamed of who we are and should keep the truth about ourselves buried deep underground where it belongs.

Rove’s internalized homophobia – especially given his powerful position in the highest office in America -- tacitly says that our relationships do not deserve equal treatment under the law because they are like dirty little secrets.

And because he continues to live openly in a heterosexual marriage – complete with a child -- his deception is even more devastating. He has chosen to live his lie and subjected it upon his own family and millions of trusting American’s.

It's as if Rove cheated on all of us.

If Karl finally goes down (no pun intended) we hope it is with a great big thud.

The whole issue really make us wonder -- are there any straight Republican men left in this country? Doesn’t it seem to you the louder they yell about fags and homos, the more likely they are to be winking at some cute guy in the subway?

What’s up with that?

And any self respecting, openly gay man should tell guys like Rove to get lost! Because they choose to live dirty down-low lives, they should be left to wallow alone in fear and desperation.

We are certain that Karl Rove will reject the ironic argument that his sordid tale offers two of the most excellent rationale for equal marriage rights yet:

1. If we give the Karl Rove’s in this country the rights and privileges of marriage, they will no longer need to feel ashamed of who they are. They will be able to stand up, be proud and live openly;
2. Karl’s story may also convince conservatives that should support equal marriage rights – if only to protect all the wives who so often find themselves married to men who are only using them to hide from others what they hate in themselves.

Lesbian Grandmothers from Mars

by Lane Hudson

Carrie and Elisia Ross-Stone are dedicated to the goal of marriage equality. But these grannies aren't sitting around in rocking chairs waiting for something to happen. Instead, they mounted their bicycles and rode across the country. TWICE.

Along the way, they inspired other activists and won the hearts and minds of many people. They also experienced injury, frustration, exhaustion, and threats. But with every milestone reached along their journey, Carrie and Elisia's dedication grew with each mile traveled.

These lesbian grandmothers first bike cross country in 2003. Before their 2004 ride, they captured the attention of filmmaker Keith Wilson. Keith joined them as they rode from San Francisco to New York City. His cameras told a compelling story about two women with a deep love for each other. It is that love for each other and their family that drove them to their hyper-activism. You can read more about the film at www.lesbiangrandmothersfrommars.com

Together, they planned their itinerary, reach out to LGBT organizations, made calls to the press, wrote speeches, and mended flat bicycle tires. I admire them immensely for their dedication to equal rights.

I saw the documentary that Keith Wilson made about their 2004 "Rainbow Ride Across America" last night at a screening here in Washington. After the screening, Carrie, Elisia, and Keith joined the audience for a conversation via Skype. They said something that really bothered me.

There was no national LGBT organization that helped fund, promote, or support in any way their efforts to raise awareness on marriage equality. The response they were given was that their timing was off and it wasn't time to raise awareness. I'd like to know exactly who told them that because they were incredibly wrong. Let me remind you that in 2004, THIRTEEN states passed constitutional amendments to discriminate against LGBT families. Doesn't sound like bad timing to me!

I'm sure that in those thirteen states, millions of dollars were contributed by national organizations. However, there was nothing for these lesbian grannies. Not even gas money for their RV support vehicle.

Having worked for a national organization and being in contact with activists around the country, I know what kind of resources are available and how the money is spent. I won't suggest raising a stink for the short-sighted error in judgment that left these ladies to fend for themselves. I will, however, suggest that one or more national organizations adopt them and their cause.

Carrie and Elisia are effective spokespeople on this issue. If they were given proper support in the areas of organizing and press outreach, they could reach large audiences across the country. What they have done so far without this kind of help is amazing. I know there are millions of dollars literally being thrown at issues in our community. Surely, somebody in this movement can find some support to throw their way.

I don't know if they're up for a third cross country trip, but I'd like to see them do it. The only difference is I want hundreds of thousands of people to hear their unique message. We as a movement need it.

Posted on the Bilerico Project
July 9, 2007 12:41 PM

You Know You WANT IT!

... legal protections that is.

Even though the Winter Holidays are 6 months away, we have been working very hard (like Santa's elves) making a surprise JUST FOR YOU!

We are sad to say that we couldn't get you FULL and EQUAL RIGHTS, but we did the NEXT BEST THING by expanding the services we are offering on Rainbow Law.

Many of you wanted to know why we only offer a Living Trust and not a Last Will Package. We explained that a Trust is more effective in protecting rights between partners who are not recognized as such by law.

BUT NOOOO!

YOU said you HAD to have more OPTIONS, and so....


You GOT IT!

We hope you will check out the newly updated Rainbow Law and find the Legal Document Package you need to protect your relationship and your rights!

On a side note -- we couldn't let the day go by without mentioning that earlier in the week, Bush's "conservative" Supreme Court decided several cases that prove we were right to worry about an erosion of civil liberties...

A big THANK-YOU to all the Democrats who voted to confirm Roberts and Alito. We will be showing our appreciation come next election day!

The farther right the court leans, the longer it will take before we have real Equality.

In the meantime... please take advantage of your Free Advance Directives!

And come back tomorrow for more on the Supremes!

Memo to Bush: Leave Us the Hell Alone

Yesterday, Mary K signed our online, Marriage Equality Petition. She wrote the following comment (with a few minor edits by Rainbow Law) to her Elected Representatives and President Bush:

“We don't stop paying taxes because of our sexual preference; we don't stop voting; or working or spending money, we NEVER stop supporting our country and our troops.

Whether we are heterosexual or homosexual, we are first and foremost AMERICANS and we have a Constitutional RIGHT to LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS!!”

Implied by those rights is the right to marry (as in Loving v. Virginia).

Don’t you GET it? WE have the RIGHT TO CHOOSE whether or not to marry, and if we DO choose marriage, we have the FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT to marry another consenting adult.

It is pretty easy to understand really –

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DENY US OUR RIGHT!

So, get out of our way and leave us alone.

Sign the Marriage Equality Petition